She just sent me a text.
“How are you?”,she said.
It might take a while before I reply.
But when I do, I’ll tell her, “I’ve been better.”
Because I’m all about honesty when it comes to the, “how are you?” question.
And when I ask how you are, I really want to know.
The whole truth.
And nothing but the truth.
So that truly is how I can best describe the way I am right now.
“I’ve been better.”
Knowing how she is, she’s possibly going to reply with a, “huh?” Or “what do you mean?”
But I really don’t know how better to put it, than by saying I’ve seen better days.
Today I just literally chilled and slept.
Like chilling in the literal sense.
There were periods where I stayed still and just stared.
At my walls.
Oh the bleakness of it all.
The book I’m reading suddenly wasn’t appealing to me.
Nothing brought solace to my situation other than food and sleep.
Speaking of which, this morning I had to google and check to be sure I don’t have any eating disorder.
Thankfully I don’t.
As anorexia and bulimia don’t really describe my case.
Where I just eat for want of anything better to do.
I have to watch it though. So it doesn’t escalate to something more problematic.
Maybe that’s why mum’s so worried by the way I eat bread.
Maybe it’s not the bread itself but the eating.
But on the bright side,
I think I’ve seen worse days.
Nothing comes to mind now, but I know there’ve definitely been worse days.
And for that, I have to be grateful. For there are people going through worse.
If the phase I’m in can be described as going through anything that is.
The other day, I asked my guy how he was.
I haven’t spoken to him in months.
I was surprised that he answered though.
But when he did, he said, “how about you?”
And after a day or three passed, I responded.
“I’ve been on a roller coaster of moods.”, I said.
But the thing about roller coasters is there are times you go up and other times you go down.
So surely there would better days.
This too shall pass.
Knowing that I’m on a roller coaster kind of removes the bleakness of the situation.
There is hope.
That there would be better days.
And I would be genuinely content.
As if the adversary is mocking me, the Red Devils just conceded another goal.
Maybe as far as the champions league is concerned, we are hopeless as a team.
But not my life.
I know there would be better days.
My roller coaster would go up again.
And I would enjoy it for as long as it lasts.
All the while hoping, that like Augustus, I find the roller coaster that only goes up.
Someday I’ll find it.
And I’ll hang on forever.