SEEKING FOR VALIDATION FROM SOCIETY? 

   

“Is it cool to get back together with your ex if you guys still love yourselves.”

This was a question for the tl, someone asked via the sub-delivery man and an illustration of one of my many problems with society.

Seeking for validation from people or things other than your inner being. What makes society the judge of what’s right and wrong and what’s acceptable and isn’t?? 

If you ask me society has done a real terrible judge as custodian of the moral compass.

If you want to get back with your ex good and fine! If you dont want that either still good and fine. You are the one that knows what you want in a relationship. No one else is going to enjoy or endure a relationship with you! 

To me Another form of this, what will I call it now, is in the existence of a guy/girl code. I don’t even know what the guy code is and isn’t and you bet money that I can’t be bothered. 

Don’t make the mistake of thinking anyone’s living your life with you. You alone are responsible for your actions. You alone will reap the rewards or consequences of your actions. So you might as well start living for yourself. 

MY OPINION ON DECENCY IN DRESSING. – OSHIME GBAFE. 

It has come to my notice that we girls tend to dress indecently. 

Honestly, I have been culprit of indecent dressing once or twice, or maybe a couple of 100 times. lol. Seriously though, I want to know when the dressing can undoubtedly be termed “indecent”

We girls tend to dress according to trend. These days though, the trend is to show more skin, and wear bold attires that tend to captivate the attention of people when we step in a room, or walk on the road, you know what I mean. 

But I want to know, is it really worth it? As much as we like to be the centre of attention and attraction, what kind of attention are we attracting. 
 

Most times when my friends tell me some guy on the road harassed them or someone was following them with his car I first of all ask “What were you wearing? ” because it’s a known fact that men are attracted/turned on by what they see. 

So sister if you’ve ever been follwed by a car chances are the brother was attracted to you very sexy looking stomach in that crop top, or your thighs in the skirt or maybe the figure hugging dress you wore “just to go get something” ,or “just to go see him or her ”

In my opinion, it is very okay to be attractive and show off what you’ve got, but you should really take into consideration the type of attention you’d be attracting and maybe it will shape your choice of clothes . Unless you enjoy the attention, the lustful looks , and perversive comments . But be sure to know that rape is real

Also, the type of pictures we take and put up in social media can attract perverse attention. I for one hate nasty comments on my pictures. So I try to keep them decent even though some times I can’t help myself. I’d talk more on this in my next article. 

Let me know if you love it or not so, I’d know for sure if this is my calling or not . Do have a Blessed day💜💜

Oshime Gbafe.

Feature image source.

ON THE COMING OF WALMART. 

SO WALMART IS COMING TO NIGERIA AND I’M NOT EXCITED. Here’s why! 

I often wonder why most people are excited whenever known brands move their franchise into the country. 

I guess it’s the trill that comes with having a major franchise operating in the states open in Nigeria. Sort of making Nigeria relevant I guess.

Maybe the fact that now you can enjoy some of these things without having to wait for your next trip abroad is what thrills people. Idk idk. 

In my opinion, they cause more harm than good to the country and its citizens. And just as I respect your opinion, I implore you to respect mine. 

Here’s why I think the way I do. 

The Chinese have a lot of companies in Nigeria. Many of them are not registered and as such they do not pay tax. Some aren’t even licensed to run companies in the country. 

But they bribe a few and just do their thing anyway. Now assuming that were all that they did, maybe I won’t be so pissed. The working conditions of their staff most times can be likened to modern day slavery. 

They make them put in so many hours and give them so little pay. That is for those that are even paid at all. 

Do you not remember the case of the 7 month pregnant woman beaten by her Lebanese boss causing her to lose her pregnancy? 

In places where they treat staff relatively well, the consumers bear the brunt of the highhandedness of this capitalists! 

Take DSTV and MTN for example. Well if you aren’t bothered by their ever increasing prices without an increase in service to show for it I am! 

Nigeria is one of the biggest markets in Africa as a result of population and spending power (though decreasing) and so it is no wonder how lots of companies would want to open here. In fact, it is wisdom to operate in Nigeria. It is unfathomable, however, that these companies can be here and have little to no respect for the citizens whom they serve. 

The fact that we do not have a functioning consumer protection agency doesn’t help matters either! 
Need I mention the fact that most Nigerians in South Africa are having a tough time finding gainful employment with the xenophobia and all? 

Said one IJGB from South Africa to my dad, (“I just got back” for those not familiar with the acronym.) “sir our people are struggling over there. There are no jobs and if they find out you’re non-indigene and about to get a job bad things could happen. The only option for some is armed robbery and drug dealing.”
With our citizens in such a state please how are DSTV and MTN still able to operate in Nigeria?

Back to the matter in hand. Walmart. If you think for one second that their coming to Nigeria is to provide job for Nigerians and help the country’s economy, congratulations you played yourself. 

As business people, they’ve got money on their mind. They wouldn’t come here unless the cost of being here is negligible compared to the profit they would gain. 

So what exactly do we gain in the process? Because surely a chance to buy overpriced goods which have been rejected in the U.S does not appeal to me in the least! 

Need I mention the fact that in Lagos they’re probably going to be on the Island? Increasing the concentration of amenities on the island alone and also the already enormous pool of cars traveling there on a daily basis? 

Don’t get me wrong oh. The coming of such companies are not entirely bad. But is now the best time? When our own local companies such as just rite and other supermarkets need to be supported and kept in business? At a time when we need to drastically reduce our imports and increase our exports? 

Nah man. I don’t think so. And this is why I’m not thrilled. 

Just maybe just maybe if the economy were in a better state. Just maybe I’d be excited if I had confidence in the government’s ability to put policies in place that’ll enable most of their profit to be pumped into Nigeria for our well being. 

But until such can be proved, don’t expect me to be thrilled by the import of us rejected goods to Nigeria. This is 2016. Leave trash for lawma. 

Image source.

KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF. 

This shameless man hit a girl, who was “jejely” crossing the street. Because to him, she was crossing too slowly.
Rewind a couple of moments. 
As I sat in the keke, sipping my cold sprite, I saw this dude with a Spectranet flyer and a CPU and I felt oh this must be a smart fellow. 
His actions, have proved otherwise. I’ve learnt looks can be deceiving and unless proven otherwise he does not deserve my respect.
When I was much younger, it was general knowledge to me and my friends as early as in elementary three that you do not hit a female. 
Whoever hit a female, was dubbed as a coward and ostracized by the guys for some time.
However, it seems things are changing these days. 
Even the generation ahead of us, who are supposed to be examples to us millennials are at the fore front of perpetuating this vice.
I’m writing because I’m annoyed. What if it were my sister crossing the road and I was no where near to teach the guy a lesson? it’s not the first time I’m witnessing this kind of thing and who knows some fool is possibly doing it again somewhere as I’m writing this. 
I’ve lived with women all my life. From siblings to Aunties to babysitters to school teachers and I took biology in school so I know there are many things both biological and otherwise which could warrant that young girl heavily laden with her school bag, probably thinking of home cooked food and a weekend of rest ahead of her, to not cross as quickly as they wanted. 
Mind you this wasn’t a high way oh and traffic wasn’t building so there’ wasn’t any need for speed. Talk less

 of the mortal combat the man who hit her exhibited. 
What if she had fainted on the spot? What if.. My brain can not even cook up gruesome enough scenarios to buttress my point. 
Away from hitting the girl self. 
What gives anyone other than the biological parents(though even this is questionable) the right to hit a child. Whether in the name of discipline or casting out demons?? 
My purpose of writing this would be in vain, of after reading this you still find reason to hit another person’s child. Or you see someone hitting someone else’s kid and not at least make an effort to do something about It.
Something had to be done to restore civility and ethics in our nation. Seriously 2016 is here for crying out loud. 
Thank you! 
Oh and by the way he hit her with his hand+flyer+abusive words. 
Am I over reacting?? 
I think not.

MY VIEW ON THE PRO-BIAFRA DEMONSTRATIONS! 

It’s no more news that there have been demonstrations in various parts of the east by pro-Biafra groups. Just this morning alone, there have been heavy demonstrations in port harcourt, which coupled with the bad roads, have resulted in a lockdown.

What do I think of all these? 

I’ll let you know in a bit, but first, I’ll share a short story. 
I was in a personal development class some time this year(aka Mr. Essien’s class) when the issue of marriage was being discussed. He mentioned, that if two people are getting into a wrong marriage, the Holy Spirit might be warning those involved all the way up to the altar. But once they take their vows, it becomes God’s will that they be together for time and all eternity. Or at least till death do them part.

While I’m in no position to state explicitly whether that is God’s say, I subscribe to that notion! I really do. 

The amalgamation of the northern and southern protectorates, is like a marriage of two very different people. It is no secret that some people till today, regardless of tribe, feel this was a mistake. Well who says two very different people, man and woman mind you, can’t live together as husband and wife. I remember asking dad, that question and his response was two smart people can make anything work! So let’s be smart about this. 

Let’s make it work! Why back out now? So what we’ve down a hundred years trying to do that, let’s put in another hundred eh? 

We are not the only country with diversities. We are not the only country coming back from a civil war either. Take the United States for example, where there are American Indians/Alaska native, native Hawaiians and other Pacific Islanders, African American, Asian American and white American. And these are just the major ones. 

Under the white Americans, you now have the northerners and the southerners who up until recently, could be differentiated by their different accents. 

Still under white Americans alone, you now have European American(Italian, German, Scottish, Dutch, Irish, English, Polish, French and Norwegian)and middle eastern American(Iranian, Arab and Jewish.) 

Said President Barack Obama, in The audacity of hope, published in 2006;

“…We will need to understand just how we got to this place. This land of warring factions and tribal hatreds. And we’ll need to remind ourselves, despite all our differences just how much we share. Common hopes. Common dreams. A bond that will not break.” 

Emphasis on “warring factions” and tribal hatreds! 

Yet they are working it! Why because despite all their differences they are united by national interest. 

Nigerians, it’s 2015 for crying out loud! Let’s put down tribal interest and embrace common good. Let’s get rid of partisan agendas and welcome national agenda! Let’s get shun tribal prejudices and marginalization. 

Let’s not judge people by the sound of their accent, or by their last names but by the content of their character. 

Maybe then, every tribe would know that they are welcome in Nigeria. That there is no Nigeria if they aren’t in it. 

How do we move forward? 

I suggest the government sit down with the leaders of this pro-Biafra groups to discuss what their grievances may be and how they can be ameliorated. 

I suggest we go back to the national conference. And review the outcome and results so we can know the way we can coexist in harmony. 

Most importantly, I suggest we practice true federalism! then, each state would be able to thrive. Then, there would be no talk of marginalization. Then we would stop toddling and start taking giant strides as we ought to! 

And so, contrary to some of my family members and kin, I am not in support of secession. 

One needn’t suppose I’m a black sheep. Or not Igbo enough. For I am Igbo and very proud. But I am a Nigerian and even more prouder. 
Let’s keep Nigeria together. 

Then again, this is just my opinion. I’ll love to hear yours.

ON POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS TO THE PROBLEM OF TRAFFIC IN LAGOS.

As I write, I’m on my way to the airport with my dad, in traffic, and this is not to be cliché but I’m listening to an on air program on traffic radio 96.1 on pragmatic solutions to the problem of traffic and crime in Lagos. 
This is something I’ve been giving thought to and as such I’ve decided to put it down here. 

First things first. Struggles such as traffic exist when the available resources cannot meet the need of the teeming population. In this case, the available resources would be the motor-able roads and the teeming population refers to vehicles. 

This is not to say that there’s no more space for roads. There’s lots of untapped space that can be turned into roads. We are desperately in need of a good road network, complete with flyovers, detours, lanes for transport vehicles. 

In most parts of lagos, take pen-cinema axis for example. The roads are narrow, and everyone both those going to island, Ikeja, Oshodi, etc etc use the same roads. How about different lanes for such? Those going to the island could just take a fly over and connect straight to the third mainland. The good thing about flyovers is that you can have more than one over another without problems. In order to reduce traffic jams, there’s a need for these widening our narrow roads and creating separate lanes for the various destinations. 

Now, this is stating the obvious for those who live in Lagos, but for my readers outside Lagos, Lagos is a place where in the mornings, all routes lead out of the residential areas of ogba, Agege etc to the industrial areas of Victoria Island, Ikeja, yaba etc. As a result the roads are filled with office goers in their cars. I suggest that we borrow a leaf from New York City, our distant cousin city in population and office and finance whatever, and have something similar to the subway. 

Still in the issue, I once asked my geography teacher, if it would be possible to take transportation underground and if it would be dangerous to the earth’s crust. His reply was no! It’s all about the government’s desire and there’s more space down there than I could imagine. So what I’m suggesting is this. There should be underground train and bus services. Most especially for all those who would be going towards the island and other industrial areas. 

There should be large parks built in this residential areas so that people can park their cars and board buses that would take them straight to their desired location. There has to be added security both at the parks and undergrounds because of the existence of a certain species named Agberos. Don’t think this something that can’t be done. There’s lots of space. all that’s required is city planning and mapping out, desire and the money. Trust me the money is there ! 

majority of the cars here would return to the residential areas earlier mentioned at the close of office hours. is it any wonder there is always traffic? mind you this is just one of the many car parking spaces available.

Image source.

There has to be something done about the danfo buses too. Though I do not subscribe to the motion that they need to be done away with completely, I firmly agree that something has to be done to curb the nuisance they pose on the road. If only all our law enforcement would look out for the right things on the road. Why asking a family that’s going to school to mum at steering, and kids in uniform at the back to clear, mean while on that same road there’s a bus driver who’s stopping at the middle of the road to pick up passengers. 

Picking and dropping of passengers should be done exclusively at bus stops. No other place. Once the bus is filled there shouldn’t be any stopping again till the next bus stop. At these bus stops, a separate lane should be created with some barricade from the main road for the bus people to follow. Many times, when coming out from toll gate at Sango the road would be locked up. Only for us to move forward and see that the road in front is free only that the bus drivers have just blocked the road with their shenanigans. 

It is very important that the government of the day takes swift action to repair and widen the available roads, create more roads and flyovers etc. because not only is it making stress and blood pressure to go high, it has also given rise to a new crime wave.

It is no news how lately around long bridge, Lagos island and other traffic prone areas hooligans have been breaking and entering into cars and robbing people at gun point. A while ago, a retired army general was murdered on long bridge! A whole retired general of the Nigerian army. 

While we wait for government to take action, we ourselves have to do our part. Let’s try to be sane on the road. Let’s not be in too much of a hurry. Don’t drive against traffic or break other traffic rules. Contrary to what people think, this don’t get you to your destination faster but only block the whole road affecting yourself and other road users. 

With time, as the government implements our suggestions we would have, in the words of our governor 😭😭 a cleaner, safer and better Lagos, who responded to the traffic program by saying how much he loved criticism and that we all needed a cleaner better and safer Lagos. Not much else did he say though. 

The jokes on you. 
Feature Image source.

MY VIEW ON PIRACY.

This past week, I’ve been struggling with some thoughts. I don’t buy my music from iTunes. Instead I download for free using the application;music player dl. I have no idea why, but it never dawned on me until just recently that this is piracy. 

I’ve been trying to rationalize. To convince myself that I wasn’t doing anything wrong. That that was the best solution available. I don’t own my own card yet and have to use the free method. 

Amidst all the rationalizations and excuses, there were two things that helped me conclude on what the way forward for me would be. 

I remembered a commercial I saw while watching a movie a while ago. It went thus; you wouldn’t steal a car, you wouldn’t shoplift, you wouldn’t steal a tv, piracy is the same thing. Maybe not exactly the words but some thing of that nature! 

In fact, here’s, the video. You’ll further understand its impact on me 
▶ 0:50

The other was this is not who I want to become. I certainly don’t want to be someone who does something wrong and rationalizes neither do i want to become a person overly excited over freebies. I also don’t want to be someone placed in the same tier as theives and fraudsters. 

The above reasons helped me reach a conclusion today. I would no longer patronize these free sites. I would no longer use the MP3 dl. Watching empire online ? That’s done. I’ll be reading the recaps online. 

So don’t be surprised if unlike before I’m not so current with today’s hits. I’ll find away to get along and listen to music. Maybe I’ll do like my friend Agiri and order the CDs. I’ll get around somehow. 

Now I’m not trying to prescribe what you should do. Far from that. What if I’m wrong? What if piracy to you has a different meaning? I however, I’m just putting my thoughts and decisions down.

I’ll love to hear what you all think! 

HEART BREAK AT NEW GARAGE. 

As I write this, I’m in a bus going home, I’m looking to recognize my characters to further prove my thesis right and I have just finished eating my favorite chin chin in the world. 

My favorite chin chin is the mini-mie chin chin. It was my friend Somto Maha that introduced me to it. Tbh, there are only a few great things in my life that have no connection to Somto. 

So back to my chin chin story. Eating my most preffered chin chin in the www is supposed to make me feel good yeh? Wrong. At least not today. I feel terrible. 

You see, this mini mie chin chin which used to be shaken together, pressed down and still running over was filled with air. I could count the cubes of delight that were inside they were just 17! 17 as opposed to what used to be 60 ish, can you imagine ? Is this supposed to be some dry joke about my years? 

And so you can imagine my displeasure. I feel as one would feel if they find out their best friend was a thot or maybe that their close friend was a fvckboy. I just never hesperrred it of them. 

I turned to my dad who’s commuting with me this evening. I told him about it and ask if pure mills flour or whatever their name is  would have gotten away with it in the states. Ofcourse I know it’s a big no no, but I wanted to know what he’d say about the matter. His inputs are always packed with knowledge and wisdom. 

This was what he had to say; “Ofcourse not son they know the owner/CEO/md could go to prison for that. If not, they’d have to pay a fine which could end up in the company closing” 

Look at that. For reducing the quality and quantity of their products/services without a proportionate reduction in price or a suitable explanation in the least, they could face dire consequences. 

Why is it that consumers are treated like trash in this side of the globe? Have they never heard of consumer sovereignty? 

How won’t they treat us like that when our consumer protection agencies are only interested in free samples and sitting around in the office. For goodness sakes, it’s to prevent things like this that we have the standard organization of Nigeria! 

Assuming it were just mini mie chin chin that were doing this I’ll probably just suck it up. But no! From catering companies to service providers, almost every service providing company is giving us substandard. They use us as a dumping ground for goods which would never have seen the rack of a local mall abroad and it’s just not right! 

We have to respond to this coup that had successfully disposed us of our sovereignirty as consumers! We have to take back what’s ours. They can’t treat us anyhow! We put the bread on their table damn it! 

I’ll let you figure out how you on your own can deal with this till our consumer protection agencies are back from vacation. As for me, I’m about to send the pure flour mills or pure mills flour company an email. Sure they might trash it, sure they might mark it as spam, but I’d have given them a piece of my mind! 

ON GIVING BACK TO THE SOCIETY.

Question. Why do people feel the need to live large when their businesses or careers are booming? Why do they feel the need to spend recklessly to show they’ve arrived? Does one ever really arrive? Is all this really necessary?

Is it necessary to spend money that can be used to pay someone’s tuition fees on bottles of wine? Is it necessary to spend rent money on a shopping trip? Or to spend money that can be used to restock half of someone’s wardrobe on a few dresses?

I’m writing this, because I know everyone reading this has a bright future. If not, you wouldn’t be here. When you’ve made it as you surely would, please don’t feel you’ve arrived. The things that take years to build, can be brought down in a day. That’s just how it goes. Pulling down is easier than building up.

If you’re the type that’s been planning on living ostentatiously in the future, I urge you to reconsider. I’m not to tell you how to spend your hard earned money, but I suggest you plan on investing. Investing in businesses, worthwhile causes, the society and peoples’ lives. The latter to me, is the best form of investment.

Our country is in need of financial deliverance. We are doing great GDP wise, but some of our people still find it hard to get their basic needs. We live in an ocean of wealth and opportunities and yet people still thirst.

Start thinking now, of ways you’ll help! Start thinking of ways youd give back to the society. Begin to plan how you’d spend your money in such a way that it’ll not only bless you but your community and fellow citizens.

One thing I know is this, when you seek wealth with the intent to do good. God sees and HE gives.

ON DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE. 

“I’ll rather kill myself than to commit suicide”,a very popular somebody once said. 

Not to make jabs at her. No on the contrary, tbh, I respect that woman. It’s just there to lighten the mood because this issue of depression and suicide, heh, if one doesn’t take care while talking about it, one can get moody. 

And we want only good vibes around here don’t we? Yes we do! In fact, it is essential that you surround yourself with positive people if you want to achieve. That’s a topic for another day. 

So back to the matter! 

The issue of depression among young people is not a new one. It’s very very common meeting depressed teens. Why not? We live in a world of different troubles, we’re constantly comparing ourselves to others and we don’t get what we want all the time. 

A few days ago, Monday to be precise, I found out that just anyone can get suicidal, when my dad told me that he messed with thoughts of suicide at one point in his early adulthood. I shiver to think what could have happened had he carried out that action. So you see, if my dad, whom in my eyes is the epitome of peace and harmony of the soul could think about suicide, anyone can. That’s why I’m writing this.

Now I doubt if I can solve depression related issues but I have an idea how depressions comes about. Problems and overthinking lead to depression and depression then leads to suicide. 

However, I feel if someone has at least one thing they love so much about this life they won’t quickly give in to committing suicide. Thing is not a lot of people have thought what they love the most about this life. Randomly ask your friends that questions and you’ll see their response. It almost always starts with “uhm, idk maybe ….”. 

I think every one should find out what it is they love the most about this life! That way, should you ever be tempted to tak your life you’ll remember that. 

Another helpful thing is finding out what you live for. Remebering your purpose in life and all those who will be affected by your demise is a good thing to do when suicidal thoughts begin to come to your mind. Picture your siblings, or your friends, or pet anything or anyone! Just don’t kill yourself. 

Oh and let me add this, if you think you’ve hit rock bottom the good news is life can’t get any worse, it can only get better. 

Now prevention has always been my best bet. Here are some ways you can deal with frustrating circumstances and prevent yourself from getting depressed. They work for me, they might work for you. I’m sure . 

One of the things I do is to write out all the problems I’m facing at the time. Then, I analyze them looking at the two possible ways they could turn out. When I’m done I come to terms with the and throwaway the piece of paper.

Also, praying helps. That’s the good thing about GOD. He doesn’t mind when you pour out your problems to him. In fact, He loves that you can trust Him enough to hand over all your problems to him. If you sincerely pour out your problems to GOD and ask him to take charge, you will feel freer and more at peace. 

I have a friend I can call at any time of the day and as long as she’s up she’ll hear me out. Sharing your woes with someone who genuinely cares is very helpful. Most times, by the time you’re done ranting you’ll find out that toy worked yourself up for nothing! 

If all else fails, which I highly doubt, listen to the Weeknd! His voice is heavenly. I think the Angels in heaven probably sound like him. I tried this today and by the time I was done with like 3 songs I was smiling. You should try it .

I encourage you to pass this around, you’ll never know who’s life your saving! As you do, add your own methods and let’s make this list longer.

Remember, depression isn’t cool. Stop saying I’m depressed. Also, suicide should never be an option.

Take care and God bless you.