THE THING ABOUT PLEASING OTHERS.

Humans are born with a desire to please self above all else. We are naturally selfish. Watch a baby for instance. If a baby needs something there’s no peace until it’s gotten it. To my knowledge, as far these little humans are concerned, we exist to meet their needs. 

It’s so serious, this selfishness of ours that I feel one of the major reasons were here one earth, is to conquer self. But that is by the way. 
It’s not all the time this selfishness is wrong though. In some cases, it is the right thing to be “selfish” especially when you need to prevent your self from being ridden over. 

Maybe selfish isn’t the word in that context. Maybe it is more like self love. But let me go further. I want to focus on how all these relate to pleasing others. 

So you’re doing something that you like yeah, it’s not wrong in any moral sense and perhaps it’s just how you function best. But someone else comes and begins to complain about your style of doing things. 

Even as far as making you feel guilty for something they feel you should have done. Remember, it’s not like you’re doing something morally wrong. They just don’t like it and want you to change to suite their style. 

So what do you do? You go ahead and please them to keep everyone satisfied? Or do the “selfish” thing you know is right for you? 

If you’ve been doing the first, that’s okay. I’ve been there too. But not anymore. Because I’ve realized that most of these their demands and expectations are out of their selfish interest.

Have this people for a minute decided if you were comfortable with it? If it’ll affect you negatively or positively? Why you even do what you chose to? But no, it’s what they want and when that’s done they don’t bother about the negative effects it might have on you. 

Realizing this, or seeing things in this manner has helped change my attitude towards pleasing others at my own detriment.

I hope you are able to make sense out of this. And I hope more than anything else right now, that it changes your attitude towards pleasing others but God and yourself. Especially when it’s at your detriment. 

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Wrong Bus

OfficialNnamdi BLOG

It’s been about a year now in Lagos (the busiest city in Nigeria) but I still don’t get the whole commuting process. You walk to a bus stop, keep your ears open through deafening sounds as bus conductors yell out the names of their various destinations.

So there I stand, looking so lost and paranoid as I tighten my grip on my handbag while waiting for a bus. A bus soon arrives heading my way and the other impatient commuters almost throw me off course as they push and shove their way into the bus. I just don’t get the rush! An average Lagosian walks at five steps per second (Ok, maybe I’m exaggerating) but you get the point; everyone is in a hurry.

The first bus leaves and then the next and I begin to pace as I frantically glance at my wrist watch. ‘Lord, send me my bus’…

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HOW WOULD YOU BE DIFFERENT?

There are many questions we ought to be asking ourselves on a daily basis. Such as, have I done any good today? Have I been able to achieve my goals for the day? Not forgetting the very popular WWJD, to mention but a few. 

Right there among these important questions we need to ask is the question, what can I do differently from others?

This question is very tantamount to excelling in life because to excel, we have to be outstanding. To be outstanding, we have to rise above the rest. To distinct ourselves. In other words to be different. 

If you are opening a business today, the only way I know you can do well is to provide a different service, in one way or the other, from the competition. 

Take über for example. Is it that there haven’t been transport companies and cabs before? Why are they thriving. It’s because they took the simple act of patronizing taxis and brought a different and more convenient way to do it. 

  
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Consider an office setting for instance and you are the employer. Say majority of them have a lackadaisical attitude towards office duties. But out of all of them there’s one who works differently from the others. One who you can rely on. When the opportunity for a raise or promotion comes who are you considering first?  

   
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And it’s just like that in virtually all spheres of life. Whether you’re a student, partner, leader or whatever. Being different in a positive manner sets you out in a positive light. And we all know what comes after that! 

In conclusion, I leave you with words from my father. According to him, if you’re not different, you’re nothing. 
And who wouldn’t want to be something?

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THE WHY.

Why is it that at times when all has been going well, life decides to take a u-turn? 
Why are the things we need hard to find but all over the place the minute we no longer need them?
Why are all my friends offline when I need them and online when I don’t? 
Why do negative wishes manifest quicker than positive ones? 
Why is it easier to destroy than to build? 
Why does life seem simple one minute and complex the next? 

Why, why why? 
Oftentimes I wonder and on some days it feels like the answers are at my reach and if I could only keep thinking I’ll arrive at them. 
On other days, such as today, I am simply content with observing these oddities. 
Some day though, I would find answers. 
But that day is not today.

 
And that is okay.   

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ON THE FEAR OF QUESTIONING.

Why do we fear different thoughts and ideas so much? 

Why do we fear questioning, curiosity and inquisitiveness? 

Is it fear? Is it worry? Or is it that these doubts and questions resonate deep in our hearts? 

And that these are the questions we were not bold enough to ask or perhaps foolish enough? 

Let me be foolish. Let me ask my questions. 

At the end of the day I might still arrive at your conclusions, but only this time I’ll be surer and very confident because I’ve been foolish enough to pass through the stage of testing and questioning. 

12.37am 13/2/16

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YOUR PERCEPTION OF THINGS CAN BE DEEPLY FLAWED. 

Do you know that you can be wrong? About any and everything? 

Sometimes I wonder this whenever I watch close minded people argue. 
But I’m not left out of it either. I remind myself of this truth all the time whenever I’m receiving new information. And it helps me to keep an open mind. 

Just this evening in pitch darkness, I walked over to where the keys were kept so I could pass the gate key to mum. 

I didn’t bother turning on a lamp because I take pride in the fact that I know my father’s house. I can be blindfolded and still get to where I’m going. Or so I thought. 

I reached where by all my calculations, was the place we kept our keys. I reached up and my hand fell through nothingness. 

I was confused. That had to be the place. It felt like it. I’d taken the the approximated steps. 

I swiped up on my phone and turned on the flash light only for me to find out I was light years away from my destination.

You can imagine my surprise. And that is why I have come to the above conclusion. A walk in the dark, is enough to let you know that your perception of things can be deeply flawed. 

THE BEAUTIFUL ONES ARE NOT YET BORN. 

“The beautiful ones are not yet born.”

I first heard this phrase when I was much younger and I felt how very Shakespear-esque. For some reason, I assumed it must have been William Shakespeare who was the author. 

Only now, after asking my sister Diana the literary genius, did I find out that, the beautiful ones are not yet born is actually a book by Ayi Kwei Armah which was first published in 1968 and according to some dusts any work by Achebe or Soyinka. 

Regardless of this new information, my thoughts about the phrase/quote’s meaning haven’t changed a bit. 

In my mind, it means that if you think you’ve seen the most beautiful of people, the best of technology, the best of any situation you can think of, you’ve not seen anything because what is coming or what can yet be by far is better than what you are seeing or experiencing. 

Is It any wonder that we 90’s baby are way finer than our predecessors? Is it any wonder that any cars or tech we see today is always surpassed by something else the next year? 

To me It also means there’s no need tripping unnecessarily for what you’re seeing now. Most especially if there’re other things you need to be focused on such as getting educated and building your future. 

You are not missing much if you are closing your eyes to the thrills of the day because the thrillest things, places, people and events are not yet born. 

We just haven’t seen the best of anything yet. So don’t trip unnecessarily for what you see today. 

We haven’t seen the best of anything yet, and that’s why the world is waiting for what you can offer! 

It’s your turn now! What does the phrase the beautiful ones are not yet born mean to you? 

10/2/16

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#CUISBEAUTIFUL: photos taken by Itseme Akede.

Itseme is a very dear friend who loves to write. Other times when she’s not writing or in school, she designs clothing and takes pictures. 

  
Her attraction to nature is probably what sets her apart as a photographer. She has an eye for beautiful landscapes. 

   
 
What I love most about these photos, is the clarity of the images and overall feeling they provoke.

   
 
I hope she is found by some NatGeo-resque magazine or at least wins the CUisbeautuful competition. 

  
Is it because I am biassed towards nature? Or because she my friend?  It’s more than that. 

I hope so because she is diligent, humble and deserving of every good that’ll come her way as a result of her craft! 

Cheers.. 

FOR A MORE POSITIVE DAY.

Good day all. I am overjoyed that you’re reading this right now because to me you are alive and well or about to be! All thanks to the most high!

Consider the following two scenarios please. Something tells me you might have had similar experiences.

One. 
One day, you wake up right as your alarm begins to ring. You smile. obviously pleased with yourself and say your prayers more meaningfully that day. 

You go about your morning preparation with speed and an unexplained cheerfulness. Before you know it, you are ready to go and it’s not even time to leave yet! Something tells you that the day would be a good day. 

Two. 
On another day, you don’t hear the alarm till the last minute! You get out of bed swearing and annoyed at everything in your wake. 

On your way out because of time you don’t say your prayers or maybe not as meaningfully as you usually do. You bump your toe and spill beverage on your immaculate white. 
You are still wondering whether to change shirts or go to school just like that. While you are till considering, it’s time to leave. And you haven’t even packed your lunch yet something tells you the day would be a shitty one. And you agree.

What if you found out you were responsible for both the good day and the shitty one? What if you knew you had the power to make your day good or bad? 

You actually were, and you do have the power. At this point, you might want to review the scenarios and see how you handled things differently. 

On the good day, you responded positively to waking up early and gave out positive vibes in the process. You woke up pleased, you said your prayers meaningfully, you went about cheerfully! This little positive reactions each setting the stage for the next positive thing. 

By simply responding with positivity, you created a positive cycle of events. 

The same thing with the shitty day. By responding negatively to waking up late. If only you’d smiled, or given off a positive response your day would have turned out different. 

Why is it that bad things all seem to follow each other huh? The way you react to the first bad thing that happens determines whether or not the one bad thing will invite it’s friends or not. 

In this life, what you give is what you get. Give positivity to get positive results. 

I hope you remember this the next time you’re running late, stuck in traffic, having a bad hair day, having a wardrobe malfunction or whatever evil machination the universe allows to come your way. 

Your response is the determining factor of if the bad would go or stay. 
I hope you at least smile in such times. 

For it’s the smiles when it’s most difficult that matter the most. 

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